Raul received an email from his CEO. Patricia assigned him a special research project. One that came with a rapid one-week turn-around and was challenging, to boot.
Raul is the Head of one of his company’s 4 Business Units. His unit is $ 500 million a year revenue-producer. No small stuff.
“Got it,” was Raul’s email response. Clear. Efficient. Affirmative. Neutral. And perhaps a little lazy.
What did Patricia really need to hear from Raul? After a bit of brainstorming, here’s where we landed: That Raul was excited to work on this. That he was confident he’d get it done in time. That he saw the value of this project. That he was pleased she asked him to work on this. Or that he might perhaps need some guidance to get it done.
A lot more color. NOT neutral.
The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said."
Peter Drucker, business leadership legend
NEUTRAL is the epitome of transactional communication. It gets it done. Does not ever enhance a relationship.
I used to be an acting teacher at some big acting schools in New York. This is one of the first things a novice actor learns in acting class: Sure, you study your lines. But what invariably matters most is the stuff behind the words. The subtext. The subtext that you create for the character you play. And the subtext you discern in the character you interact with.
The subtext of all that isn’t being said.
Want to un-lazy your business communications? Start by listening for what isn’t being said. Enhance your own messages by adding a bit of color to what you communicate.
LinkedIn allows us to simply push a button these days to acknowledge a colleague’s new position, birthday or anniversary. Congratulations. And it has even added a few short generic responses for you to choose from.
Push the button. Efficient. NEUTRAL. It gets us a button-pushing relationship. Nothing else.
My favorite variations:
I used to not say I am happy for you because I didn’t know how to be truly happy for you. And I didn’t know how to say it.
Sad, yes. I think of this as I dine with my friend Brian. While we gorge on heaps of sushi our conversation takes us on a trip down memory lane, to a time when we both lived in the same cities but our paths had not yet crossed. It is one of those delicious conversations in which one discovers new things about a friend.
And new things about oneself.
I so enjoyed this conversation we just had. I used to not know how to say it. I couldn’t say it because I didn’t feel it.
My business relationships are so much richer now than they were back in the days. I have learned to pay attention to the emotional dimension of everything I do. Feel it. And when helpful, explicitly state it:
The quality of your communication is the quality of your life."
Anthony Robbins
Here’s where Raul landed in his enhanced response to Patricia: Thank you for challenging me with this project. I’m excited to work on it. Can’t wait to share the results with you!
More color. No longer in NEUTRAL. More color = more of YOU. That’s how we enhance, enrich, and charge a relationship with genuine energy.
Go ahead. Un-lazy your relationships. Listen for what isn’t being said. Have the courage name it.
I’m a theater guy, so I leave you with this quote from the illustrious George Bernard Shaw: The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Step out of the illusion. Start by ignoring the buttons. Throw a bit of you into the mix.
And still keep it efficient, please.
