I had a conversation with my friend Shwan Lamei last week. A former rising star in a traditional corporate manufacturing enterprise, Shwan chucked it all a few years ago to found Emulate Energy, a global firm committed to creating technology that stores energy in a more cost-effective and sustainable manner.

Shwan and I chatted about his leadership team. What began as a 2-person start-up is now a firm with 18 employees and rapidly expanding. As Shwan described the folks on his leadership team, he declared with pride:

We don’t have any brilliant jerks.

Reed Hastings is the cofounder and just-retired CEO of Netflix. Hastings co-authored the New York Times bestselling book “No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention.” And he popularized the term brilliant jerk.

Here’s what Netflix does with brilliant jerks: It gets rids of them. Some companies tolerate them, Hastings explained. For us, the cost to effective team work is too great.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” 

W.C. Fields

While Freud recognized that there are a near infinite variety of personalities, he identified three main types: erotic, obsessive, and narcissistic.

Brilliant jerks often carry narcissistic traits. They are not easily impressed. They tend to be innovators, driven in business to gain power and glory. Productive narcissists are experts in their industries, and they excel at posing critical questions. They want to be admired, not loved. Of all the personality types, narcissists run the greatest risk of isolating themselves at the moment of success. Their achilles heel? They are often sensitive to criticism because, well, they are brilliant! And they tend to be poor listeners who lack empathy (from “Narcissistic Leaders,” Michael Maccoby, HBR, 1/2004)

Search the net, and you will find a slew of articles on how to manage brilliant jerks. Be forewarned, the guidance is not encouraging. You will also find equal amounts of wisdom in line with Hastings’ advice. Screen them out. Don’t hire them.

My essay is for you, the brilliant one. You ARE brilliant. Have been top of your class for as long as you can remember. Have been told, again and again, that you are smarter than others, faster than others, more exceptional.

Great. I salute the brilliance in you.

And you’re clear that you do not wish to be that jerk. I salute that desire, as well.

I coach lots of smart and often very brilliant people. Let us consider the following guard rails as you unleash your brilliance in the workplace.

How To Use Your Brilliance For Good

Drop Special-itis Thinking.

It’s the paradox. You were told for years how special you are. And you ARE. You were told how gifted, how impressive, how exceptional you are. And you ARE.

You were consistently affirmed in a comparative sense. Told that you were smarter, quicker, more brilliant than others. You likely were.

It is near impossible to not start thinking that you are better than others.

That’s special-itis. Drop that thinking, at once. It will not serve you at your place of work. It will get you nothing.

Consider this your essential mindset adjustment. You ARE brilliant. Bring your brilliance to work. You ARE special – and you are not more special than anyone else.

Bury any special-itis you may have, once and for all. Now.

Don’t Be the Interjector.

You think fast. You sometimes think faster than others. Fast thinkers get impatient with slower thinkers. As the slower thinker is making their point, you are wont to interject. You do it because, well, you have another brilliant insight. Interject because you already “got” what the other person is saying and don’t need to hear the rest. Interject because you are ready to rebut what the other has just stated.

You’re itching to zip it along.

Don’t. Interjection is brilliant-jerk-behavior at its worst. Say what you’re itching to say after the other person has finished their thought. Don’t wear your impatience on your sleeve. Allowing others to finish demonstrates basic respect. A willingness to perhaps be surprised. You believe in those values, don’t you?

Stay in the moment.

This is the second layer to thinking fast: You are frequently 3 steps ahead of other people. You get bored with conversations – because you already had the present conversation in your mind, by yourself, a week ago, with no one else present. I get it – if you had the conversation in your mind a week ago, figured out the present dilemma then, well the current conversation will feel mighty boring.

I have watched senior leaders tune out in meeting after meeting because they don’t have the need for the conversation at hand. They are 3 steps ahead. Problem is, everyone else DOES need the conversation that is happening.

The solution is always the same: Notice your run-away thoughts. Observe your impulses to check out. Don’t. Check in with yourself. Check in with others. Check into the present moment.

If you are 3 steps ahead, remember: 3 steps ahead, on your own, gets you nothing but isolation. Our job is to bring people along. Always is. That happens in present-moment-conversation.

Don’t be dismissive.

You don’t mean to be dismissive. You have been raised to not be rude. You got the memo.

And yet, at times, when someone shares an idea that you think is tired, outdated, trite, not innovative, you just can’t help yourself. Your dismissiveness slips out.

It may happen via an eye roll. An exasperated sigh. Or it may happen via a comment that is tinged with a sense of superiority. We have tried that 2 years ago and it didn’t work. That will never work HERE. I don’t think you have fully thought this through. Let’s move on to some other suggestions.

That is brilliant-jerk-behavior. Especially when delivered with an edge in your tone.

Don’t do it. Consider this, instead. When you don’t think an idea is remarkable, when you don’t agree with a suggestion, don’t do battle. Simply say Thank You. And stop there,

We have all worked with brilliant jerks. It is so easy to spot brilliant-jerk-behavior in others, isn’t it!

If a certain brilliant jerk really ticks you off – I mean really, really ticks you off big-time – consider your reaction an invite toward a bit of self-reflection. Chances are, the behavior that plugs you in big-time is a behavior that you judge within yourself, repress, or have engaged in at times yourself, perhaps in more subtle ways.

• What are some ways in which I have behaved like a brilliant jerk?
• What are brilliant jerk instincts I see within myself?
• What are brilliant jerk thoughts that frequently roam the halls of my mind?

Contemplate these questions. Honestly, without judging yourself. Awareness of our own brilliant-jerk-tendencies is the starting point to not becoming one.

How to Navigate Position Power

Position power seems easy. You can hire people. Fire people. People with less position power often defer to you. And you get the corner office.

None of this, of course, means terribly much. Position Power doesn’t inherently get you anything, certainly not earned respect or influence. Yet your Position Power is always “hanging in the air.” Consider the following variables as you figure out how to effectively claim this source of power.

Let It Be.

Don’t emphasize your Position Power. Don’t minimize it. Don’t “play the boss” or act like your team members’ “best buddy.” Don’t joke about your Position Power. Don’t use it as a weapon. Just let it be. Everyone around you knows the powers of your role. Let it be.

When it comes to making a decision, be clear on who is making the decision. Some decisions will likely be made together with your team. There may be majority-rule decisions. There may be consensus-decisions. Don’t abdicate your position power by surrendering every decision to your team. No matter what your philosophy of collective decision-making may be, make sure this philosophy doesn’t turn into an abdication of the authority that comes with your role.

Minimize Power Differentials.

I conduct a bunch of Executive Coaching with very Senior leaders in a well-known Big Pharma company. This company is helmed by Jean-Marc, a universally beloved European CEO. The leaders I support at times participate in group meetings with Jean-Marc. In a highly stratified global enterprise with multiple business streams, a 1-1 meeting with Jean-Marc is rare. So when David, Head of Sales for one of this company’s hot new assets, had one of these rare 1-1 meetings, an hour long, I was very curious about how it would go.

Jean-Marc was fantastic, David said to me after his 1-1. He made the conversation so comfortable. He asked me some personal questions. He shared personal stories of his own and talked about some of his aspirations. He made the conversation very relaxed. Then David added, after a pause. Jean-Marc really put me at ease.

Jean-Marc clearly understands that every time he has a conversation with any member of his pharma enterprise, there is a power differential. Folks may be nervous when they speak with him. Uptight. Guarded. And Jean-Marc has embraced a communication style that minimizes this power divide for others. That’s Position Power, well played.

Your Position Power Never Goes Away.

In the context of Position Power, Jean-Marc clearly has more power than David. David’s Position Power, however, doesn’t diminish just because he is speaking with someone who has more. It is wise to be mindful of the Position Power of another. It is never wise to abdicate our own or throw it away.

Mind you, I know very few people who intentionally abandon their authority when engaging with “a boss.” Our social conditioning about how we speak with folks who have Position Power, however, is deep-seated. It started in our early days of childhood. And it is likely operating on an entirely subconscious level.

Excavate Your Power Conditioning.

I support individuals with very high Position Power. I was born into a family that hails from humble social beginnings. While my Dad had a successful career as an architect for a Division of the German Foreign Service, it was clear to me that when we were assigned to a German embassy somewhere in the world, we didn’t rank very high in the power structure of that embassy. Nobody explained this to me. I simply absorbed it, every time I watched my mom act like a servant when she spoke with “someone important.” Mom did not consciously act like a servant, of course. She was simply performing her own subconscious power dance.

For me to engage effectively with folks of high Position Power, I had to excavate my hidden power conditioning. See it, know it, release it. I can’t show up as the little boy from the German embassy world any more.

You have your own version of this power conditioning. Every one of us does. It is operating as your hidden power blueprint. Excavate this blueprint. Make it conscious. Your influence in the world will always be limited if you don’t – even when you get promoted into a role of high Position Power.

The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” 

Ken Blanchard

Influence is THE key lever to having an impact in the world, not personal power. Yet we will never have true influence in any aspect of our lives if we do not understand – and play well with - the hidden language of power.

In this Post, I have started to merely scratch the surface of one of 5 Power Plugs. There are 4 more. Without a keen understanding of all 5 of these Power Plugs, our impact in the world will always be diminished. We will continue to hit familiar walls. Crumble in the face of the same old barriers.

Don’t crumble, and don’t be diminished. In my work I see, over and over again, that understanding the hidden language of power dynamics is THE threshold where personal influence starts to expand.

Learn this language. Speak it well.

I received a note in my LinkedIn message box last week.

Nice to be connected to you. Would you be interested in receiving a copy of my new book xxxxxx, and you can feel into me being on your podcast?

The writer is a professor at Stanford University. She teaches conscious leadership, and I adore her very conscious use of the phrase feel into me being on your podcast.

Nice.

There is a certain grace about feeling into things. And, you may wonder, what exactly does “feeling into things” look like?

Last Thursday I had a planning meeting with 3 esteemed colleagues. We’re supporting a leadership team at a biotech company that’s in the midst of some major firefighting. Folks are under-resourced. Overworked. Burned out.

This meeting wasn’t about more data collection. Crafting surveys. Planning focus groups. There wasn’t time.

No, it was a time to feel into a situation. What sort of action would be helpful, what wouldn’t? Based on our collective wisdom. Years of experience. Finely honed instincts.

In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels."

Daniel Goleman

Does this sound a tad woo-woo? It’s not. We’re in emotional intelligence territory.

Daniel Goleman, Harvard professor and author of the classic “Emotional Intelligence,” has spent 25 years writing books and fostering research on the feeling part of being a leader. Goleman has found that emotional intelligence is comprised of 4 domains: Self Awareness, Self Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management.

Nestled within these domains are 12 core competencies. My Stanford professor’s message was nodding to one of these 12 – Emotional Self Awareness. As I read her book, would I feel excited enough about having a conversation with her?

My biotech planning meeting nodded to another – Organizational Awareness. What are the moods and social dynamics within the workforce right now? Which sort of intervention might support, which might hinder a greater sense of well-being and productivity?

Let me un-woo-woo the notion of feeling into things a little more. Here are some of the signals an emotionally intelligent leader considers.

Feeling Into Inner Signals

Notice Your Emotions

Feelings can be marvelous when they “feel good.” Unsettling when they don’t. They offer valuable information about our relationship to the activities we’re engaged in. Feelings, as the saying famously goes, aren’t facts. They are, however, key indicators about our inner state of affairs.

When we are super-busy, we often do not have time to notice how we feel. We’re too busy getting things done. We may say to someone I don’t have strong feelings about what’s going on. Indeed, you may not. Or you may be so busy that you don’t notice how you feel. When we don’t notice how we feel, we cut ourselves off from a key source of inner intelligence. Our clarity and effectiveness are measurably diminished.

Consider Your Emotions

Take fear, for example. We may consider our fear as a factor in whether we move forward with an action. We may decide that our fear necessitates a mindset shift around a specific action. A different tactic, perhaps. Or we may decide to be afraid and take the action, anyway.

We are robbed of any of this consideration when we are too busy to notice what we feel. You know the individual that says I’m just not a very emotional person? Chances are, this person is often making less fully informed decisions. Because emotional intelligence has not come into play.

Feeling Into External Signals

Sense What is NOT Being Said

It’s the classic read the room suggestion. Or read the mood of your entire professional playground. You may be gung-ho about a new initiative or idea. Notice the signals of others as you talk about this idea. Notice their body language, their energy, their silence, the spirit in which they respond, or don’t. These are all key predictors on how well any of what you’re excited about may actually play out.

Feel into what is not being said. Consider it essential information. This implicit intelligence data may prompt you to probe more deeply. It may nudge you to approach your new initiative differently. Ignoring, or not noticing, what is not being said is never an option. It will cost you dearly.

Make an Empathetic Decision

Explore beyond noticing external signals. Consider the WHY behind these signals. We consider the WHY not by conducting a detailed analysis of the signals we see but by, instead, putting ourselves into the shoes of others. WHY do they feel the way they feel? How would I feel if I were in their shoes, facing the same circumstances they face? Empathy is our ability to feel into what others may be experiencing. Empathy has no opinion or judgment about the experience of others. It does not connote agreement or disagreement. When we have felt into the experience of others AND allow it to impact our decision-making, we will always make more holistically sound decisions. Such decisions yield better outcomes than decisions not informed by empathy.

Here is another conversation I had last week. Victor, a Top-level HR executive, speaks to me about being in meetings with Martin, his company’s CEO.

Martin has a lot of emotional intelligence, Victor says to me. I admire that about him. We often go into a meeting with a strategy that we have agreed on. But more often than not, as we are in conversation with other people, Martin will actually change his mind and go in a slightly different direction.

A less savvy person might get frustrated with Martin changing course. Might see it as a sign of weakness. View it through an emotional intelligence lens, and Martin’s change of course is likely prompted by the very factors we have examined in this article:

• Martin senses within that what he had planned isn’t quite right. Emotional Self Awareness.
• Martin reads the externals well. Yes, he listens to what is being said, but he also pays attention to all that is NOT being said. Organizational Awareness.

Feeling into situations is a beautiful thing. It also generates better outcomes.

Always does.